In a conversation the other day, I had previously been chattering at myself (as most days I do) and in this conversation (yes, with another person) I asked, "What chapter am I on?
At first the question wasn't clear, nor the content of what I meant, not even to myself. As I began talking out loud, the question became clear: What part of life am I experiencing right now?
I had subconsciously divided my life into chapters:
Chapter 1 - Youth and Experiences
Chapter 2 - Clarity
Chapter 3 - Acceptance, Embracing and Growth
I am unable to discern if I am in Chapter 2 of my life or have I entered Chapter 3. I know that where I was a year ago is a long distance run from here and now. But am I done understanding and finding clarity? Am I complete in my desire to understand what it was that brought me here?
It is desire. Everything, as humans, is brought about by desire, by emotions and feelings. If I had to look back on the last three years, I can say with absolute truth - I have come a long ways. If I calculate the growth and changes within the last eighteen months, I would say the lessons have slowed and my knowledge and acceptance has grown.
Yet, I find myself wondering if I am done learning? Or am I just ready for leaning into positive growth and embracing the wonders of this beautiful life I have before me. And if so, will I be able to manage everything I ever wanted, with the reality of actually experiencing it?